Wanna Write a Book About Your Childhood? Here Are 10 Tips to Get You Started

Georgette Todd
8 min readFeb 25, 2019

I wrote a book titled “Foster Girl: A Memoir,” which chronicles my teenage years spent growing up in the California foster care system. It took me over ten years to complete this memoir, partly because I took breaks intermittently and didn’t solely rely on memory. Instead, I conducted research, obtained a copy of my 300-page case file, and interviewed people from my past. I wrote the book more for cathartic purposes than for commercial gain, and I largely achieved my goals: gaining a better understanding of all that I went through and providing an insider’s view of foster children’s lives in America.

I’m not the only person who has experienced a childhood plagued with abuse and neglect, and I know I’m not alone in wanting to share my early life experiences through writing. For those who are interested in delving into that first chapter of their lives, I’ve compiled ten tips I learned along the way to help you get started.

  1. Ask yourself the Five Whys. The Five Whys is a problem-solving technique typically used to uncover the root cause of a situation. I didn’t stumble upon this technique until I was well into my writing process. If I had applied the “why” question five times to why I was writing my book, I would have honed in on my focus much earlier. Below are my five whys to give you an idea of how to use it for yourself.

“Why are you writing your book?” Because I had a tumultuous childhood, and I’m still grappling with the aftermath.

“Why (are you writing about it)?” Because I aim to confront and process my experiences while also providing solace to fellow survivors and raising awareness about foster care.

“Why?” I want those who share my background to feel validated and understood, and I want to educate those who don’t about the realities of foster care.

“Why?” It’s crucial for survivors to feel a sense of belonging and for the public to comprehend the challenges faced by foster children. I want to foster empathy and inspire action to support homeless children in our communities.

“Why?” By sharing my story, I hope to create a sense of solidarity among survivors, reduce feelings of isolation, and shed light on the experiences unique to foster care. I want to bridge the gap between our world and the mainstream, allowing people to understand the complexities of being a foster child — from living in unfamiliar homes to navigating the legal system. Ultimately, I want to contribute to the recognition of foster care as a significant subculture deserving of attention.

2. Create a List of Memories. When reflecting on your life, start jotting down a few words or a sentence for each memory that comes to mind. This step is crucial because the memories that readily surface are often the ones that have left a lasting impact on you — the imprints of your experiences. However, for individuals who have chosen to suppress memories, begin by drafting a timeline of events that have occurred in your life, chronologically from birth to the present day. This approach can help unearth suppressed memories and provide a framework for further exploration and understanding.

3. Now Vomit. Yes, literally vomit. Once you’ve distilled the essence of your book by answering the Five Whys and have your memory list or timeline, begin writing from the beginning. Document your life in chronological order. If you’re inclined, you can even delve into what you know about your parents and their upbringing. I followed this approach, which proved beneficial as it provided context to elucidate why I ended up in foster care. So, start with the beginning of your life — recall every detail, thought, and feeling without reservation. Hold nothing back. Be angry, be sad, and don’t shield anyone, particularly family members. Write as though nobody will ever read this book. Be unabashedly honest. Treat your laptop as your confessional. Let it all out. Vomit those memories onto the page.

Side note: Ensure you save your work daily or after each writing session. You can use a flash drive, or for added security, create an email account solely for your book and email your drafts to yourself.

4. Don’t Edit As You Write. At this stage of your writing, it’s crucial not to edit at all. When you’re in the “vomiting” stage of writing, don’t judge yourself or make corrections regarding grammar and spelling. That can wait until later. It’s essential to begin without holding back. When that inner voice tries to undermine your progress with doubts like, “No one will care about this part… why am I even writing all this…” counter it by affirming, “I care, and that’s all that matters!” Then, continue writing. At this initial stage, you’re writing primarily for yourself anyway. Editing prematurely will only slow you down significantly. You want to maintain momentum, especially considering that the true “art of writing” unfolds during the editing process. Moreover, after your first draft, writing essentially becomes synonymous with editing. You’ll engage in rewrites, cut sections, and so on.

5. Research, Interview. My memoir isn’t solely reliant on memory. As a ward of the state, I had access to a case file that provided a wealth of information. For those who have been part of a system, obtaining a copy of all your records is invaluable. For those who haven’t, which is the case for most people, gathering journals, diaries, photos, medical records, and school essays and seeking insights from family, friends, teachers, or other significant individuals in your life is essential. This diverse array of information will enrich your narrative, adding depth to sensory details and characterization. Engaging in conversations with others will jog and challenge your memory, which is crucial for memoir writing. Memoir aims to capture both factual and emotional truth, and conducting research and interviews aids in achieving this goal.

6. Turning Your Autobiography Into a Memoir. Once you’ve compiled your entire life story, it’s time to transition from autobiography to memoir. Memoirs are books that hone in on a specific period in your life. While you may provide summaries of events before and after this period, memoirs are intended to be more concentrated. For instance, after I detailed my entire life, I chose to center my memoir on my four years in foster care rather than the abuse that led me there. The latter will be the focus of my second book, slated for release next year in 2020. In my foster care memoir, I briefly mention the abuse to provide context to the narrative, as there’s limited space to cover every aspect. After completing your life story, take a step back, grab a highlighter, and start marking scenes, pages, and words while jotting down notes in the margins. Pay attention to what stands out to you. This process will help you pinpoint which parts of your life you want to emphasize in your memoir.

7. Read Other Memoirs and Deconstruct Them. At this juncture, it’s imperative to take a break from your book. This hiatus is crucial because, upon your return, you’ll approach your work with fresh eyes and heightened focus. During your break — whether it spans weeks, months, or even years — take out that highlighter and delve into memoirs that explore similar subject matter or books that resonate with you. Arm yourself with a pen to read, highlight, and take notes, analyzing how the story is crafted. Deconstruct it. Examine how much emphasis the author places on family members, events, and setting details. Consider whether you’re immersed in the author’s perspective, how other characters are portrayed, and more. I advise against undertaking this analysis before you commence writing, as you might risk being overly influenced. Each author has their own voice, and it’s essential to honor yours.

Side note: Another effective technique is transcribing short stories or mini-memoirs on the side. These exercises prove invaluable on days when writer’s block strikes, helping you develop the muscle memory required for elegant writing. Through osmosis, you’ll absorb techniques for constructing paragraphs and chapters and weaving together a compelling narrative.

8. Get Feedback, Writing Workshops. I attended a prestigious private university to pursue a Master’s degree in Creative Writing, a decision that has left me grappling with student loan debt. Looking back, I would opt for a different path, perhaps participating in various writing workshops and classes or obtaining a writing certificate at a community college. Engaging with feedback from diverse individuals allows you to discern which details and aspects of your story resonate most with readers. Moreover, you’ll be challenged by comments such as “I don’t like this character” or “I’d like to hear more about…” — all feedback is valuable. Readers can pinpoint blind spots in your narrative or reaffirm your artistic instincts. If you encounter comments that you disagree with, it’s perfectly acceptable. In fact, it signifies the strength and confidence you’ve developed in your writing and storytelling abilities.

9. Now Edit, Shape Your Life. At this stage, you have two options. You can either hire a developmental editor or edit the book to the best of your ability and then seek the assistance of a developmental editor. A developmental editor plays a crucial role in structuring your manuscript, assisting with plot development, pacing, characterization, and setting. Due to financial constraints, I opted for the latter approach. I chose to organize my book primarily by geography, reflecting the numerous relocations I experienced. When I eventually hired a developmental editor — a seasoned professional with an extensive resume — he validated my decision to structure the chapters around my various moves. However, he strongly recommended that I bookend my book with a few chapters detailing life before foster care and briefly touching on my experiences after aging out of the foster care system. He emphasized the importance of allowing readers to care about me before embarking on my foster care journey, stating that it would be a disservice to them otherwise. His advice proved invaluable. He assisted me in refining my initial draft, transforming my “word vomit” into a cohesive and compelling book.

10. Traditional Publishing vs. Self Publishing. After navigating the traditional publishing route for years, including working with two literary agents, I ultimately chose to self-publish. Throughout this journey, I encountered numerous challenges and learned valuable lessons that I want to share with you. First and foremost, publishing is a business. Traditional publishing not only requires high-quality writing but also demands authors to have a substantial platform, often necessitating a large social media following. Building and managing a social media presence is a skill in itself and can consume significant time and energy.

Opting for traditional publishing entails a lengthy process. It involves crafting a query letter, a book proposal, and securing a literary agent — a process that can take anywhere from three to six months to receive a response from each agent you contact. Even after securing representation, there’s no guarantee of securing a book deal, and the traditional publishing process can span several years.

However, self-publishing has shed much of the stigma it once carried. To successfully self-publish, it’s essential to invest upfront. I highly recommend utilizing platforms like Reedsy to hire professionals such as developmental editors, copy editors, proofreaders, and book jacket cover designers. Reedsy showcases top professionals with proven track records in the industry, many of whom have worked for major publishing companies and now freelance on the side. Personally, I hired a copy editor with experience at Random House, and the investment proved invaluable. The professional quality of my book not only exceeded my expectations but also contributed significantly to its success.

In my over a decade of writing and publishing, these are the key lessons I’ve learned. I encourage you to refer back to this post whenever you encounter obstacles. With this roadmap in hand, it’s time to dive into your writing. The world is eagerly awaiting to hear from you.

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